The Sneaky Influence Tactics You Never Saw Coming:
1. Framing flattery as likely to make us uncomfortable
This makes it seem as if others are trying to learn from us, not ingratiate. As Jack Herbert put it, “We all admire the wisdom of people who come to us for advice.” Let’s face it: they have really good taste.
3. Complimenting us to our friends
When people compliment us directly, one manager noted, it’s “kind of obvious brown-nosing.” Instead, if they say nice things about us to our friends, “we will almost always find out about it eventually, and it will mean a lot more.”
4. Arguing before conforming
When people immediately agree with us, we start to become skeptical of their intentions. When they argue with us first and then go along, it validates our beliefs that we’re smart and logical.
5. Conforming to our opinion after learning about it from someone else
Another way that people mask their ingratiation goals is to gather independent information on our opinions and then express agreement.
6. Endorsing our values before flattering or conforming
When people establish that they share our values, we’re less likely to doubt what they say next.
7. Referencing a common group before flattering or conforming
A variation on this theme involves highlighting shared membership in a club or organization.
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- Stealth Developments (misfitsarchitecture.com)